Tomorrow, with Dr Clark, we will be looking at the aspect of Denial, and I don’t mean the river in Africa.
As men, we can rationalize almost anything—and often do, in order to NOT have to admit to ourselves and others that we were wrong.
Ever do something stupid, and then not admit it?
Heck, just Friday night I convinced myself that after a full week of work, away from my family, I could rationalize going to the gym at 6:15PM.  So I called my wife and explained to her my desire to go to the gym and she said, “ Sure,take your time, its ok.† Sure, my kids were having two friends sleepover.  And sure, my wife was going to take 4 boys;  Rocky, Clubber, Bam-bam, and Ferris Buhler to Chuck E. Cheese alone.  Sure, I could go.
So, like a fool, I heard, “Take your time†to mean “Take all the time in the world.† And rather than a quick 45-minute workout, I lingered for over 2 hours.  And when I showed up at the arcade to meet my family at 8:30PM, my youngest son was sweaty, beet-red, and crying because someone knocked-over his 19th root beer, and my good wife, exasperated, had reached the tipping point. Oh, and she was pissed.  At you know who…
And my first reaction was, to not only ask “What I do?†, but to also try to make this her fault. But isn’t that how we roll?  Rather than cut our losses, we doubled-down, to save face, and say something like, “BUT YOU SAID TAKE YOUR TIME…†Then we act like, “But, I didn’t know…† Duh…what an idiot.
I knew what I was doing the whole time.  It was very selfish of me.  But fact is, I don’t like to admit when I am wrong.
As I humbly squirmed back into my car to drive home alone, I had the audacity of feeling angry.  But I quickly realized I was in denial.  And then I heard a proverbial rooster crow three times in my head jostling me back into reality.  And in that rare moment of clarity, I thought about the hundred or so other similar times I ditched my parental responsibilities on my wife to find my own peace and quiet at her expense.  I couldn’t deny it anymore, I was wrong.  I had no right to be angry at anyone but myself.
I’m learning it’s ok to be wrong.  Making poor choices is part of life,  but denial does not need to be.  Denial is not healthy, wise, nor prosperous.   And it’s impact is not just on us.  Our families bear the burden of our denial.  Or others…
Think about the band that kept playing on the sinking Titanic, and the folks on deck, refusing to admit their dire circumstances…  “Hey, they’re playing music, it can’t be that bad, right?† Denial is like an “idiotic fog†that consumes us.  A warped haze that clouds all judgment and truth.
Am I alone here, or does any of this sound familiar to anyone else? Â If so, come on out Wednesday as we look at “Denial, It’s not the river in Africa.”
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Pat Mancuso
patmancuso@mac.com
(703) 401-8302
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Our mission is to create a comfortable, relevant and honest environment where men can explore and discuss aspects of life, purpose and faith.
We accomplish our mission by reviewing pertinent issues in men’s lives, examining them through relevant biblical principles, followed by a time of discussion with other men.
Wednesday mornings, September through May…and beyond
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