Fourteen years ago God brought a girl named Megan Berry to such a low place in her life that saying YES to my proposal seemed like the right, and perhaps only thing to do.  That’s what had to have happened because there’s no other way to explain it.  It’s also the same scenario that I have imagined after meeting your wives. The only explanation is divine intervention. Seriously, what outside of an act of God would have allowed us to marry the women we did?

And once our wives said, “Yes”, we quickly moved into the next phase of that relationship.  The funny thing about marriage is there really isn’t a ramp up period.  Think about it, one day you’re single, the next day you’re married.  I mean there is a lot riding on this relationship and there really isn’t an application process or class you have to pass.  Sure there is pre-marital counseling, and the engagement period but once that commitment is made verbally, the deal is 95% closed.  But did we all realize what we were getting into?  I mean,  back in the day, I thought my wife was getting a good deal— me and a diamond.  But I look back at it now, and I easily got the better part of it.  Not since the Cowboys traded Herschel Walker and a few late round draft picks to the Minnesota Vikings for five players and 8 future draft picks (3 first round, 3 2nd round 1 third round and a 6th round), has there been a more lopsided deal.

My point is this: for the most part we all go into marriage blind.  I mean, we THINK we know what it’s going to be like, but what do we base that on?  If you’re like me you probably based it on the marriages you grew up around;  Your parents, maybe your aunt and uncle.  How about Claire and Cliff Huxtable, Ralph and Alice Kramden, Carol and Mike Brady and maybe even Al and Peg Bundy?  Now sorta mix all those together and you would come up with the picture of what I thought marriage was like.  Why would I picture it any different?  This was the picture of marriage that I saw for a large chunk of my life…and then I got married,  Let me tell you that marriage looks NOTHING like the picture I grew up with in my head, although my wife will tell you that she married a cross between Ralph Kramden, Al Bundy…and Kevin James…and NO that did not fit her picture of what marriage was supposed to be like for her either.

However this realization didn’t happen over night.  At first it took some getting used to, after all, I had all of these pictures in my head of what marriage was to look like, and yet when I stepped into it I started realizing that it was nothing like I had pictured.  It was far greater. At least for me…I can’t speak for my wife.

The crazy thing is I did the same with church.  I grew up with this picture of what church looked like, and just like marriage I based it on what I saw around me.  What if the picture was incomplete?  What if it wasn’t telling the whole story?  What impact would that have?  What if that too was supposed to be far greater than what we imagined?

This Wednesday Gavin Long Author of the book , At Home with God, Our Father, will share with us “My Church Picture”

If you have a buddy that ever went to church, this would be perfect for him…

Invest, Invite…Inspire

Pat Mancuso
patmancuso@mac.com
(703) 401-8302
FUEL

Why is it we often forget the things that we should remember and yet, we remember the things we are supposed to forget?

Why is it I have no issue remembering the characters or plot lines from the Sopranos, Rocky III, Rocky VI or The Office, or the 7 words you shouldn’t say on TV? How is it that I have the uncanny ability to call to mind the numbers of Larry Bird, Magic Johnson or Terry Bradshaw, can tell you about Redskins games as if I played in them, and could recite each swing and divot as I parred the 7th hole at Ballybunion three years ago…but three seconds out the door I completely forget what my wife told me “not” to forget?

Any one else on this distro able to relate?  Pretty sure I am not alone.  To be honest, I think this is why we love to memorialize things. We love setting up huge reminders so we don’t forget.  Unfortunately, I think far too often we end up focusing on what we set up to remind us, and forget what it is we were supposed to remember.  How funny– that the thing we wanted to remind us of something, causes us to forget what it was we were supposed to remember.  It’s as if in the end, our reminder has the opposite effect on us. It becomes an un-reminder. Ultimately, it becomes a distraction.

When my sister was getting married, my Mom thought it would be a great idea to create these special bridal favors for each guest at the shower.  My Mom selected a picture of my sister, and meticulously attached one to each little heart-shaped memento, so that everyone would remember who this day was to be about.  Unfortunately my sister absolutely hated the picture and minutes before the crowd of 60 women came to the event, my sister pulled off all 60 pictures from the keepsake that my Mom had spent so much time creating.  Good times at family dysfunction-junction, headquarters, Mancuso-ville.

The whole idea was to celebrate my sister and her upcoming wedding and it ended up being all about the picture.  The picture that was supposed to remind people why they were there to celebrate.  Now, when I think of the shower, I think of the ugly mess that was created by the silly shower favor.  Nothing about the shower itself stands out.  Except this wonderful story that I wish I could forget.

I bring all of this up because the bible is pretty clear that there a number of things we are called to remember.  But what if somewhere along the way we forgot that which we were told to remember?  Would it have an impact?  Is it having an impact?

If we can remember, perhaps we will discuss this on Wednesday…

and don’t forget to invite a friend

but, if you can’t remember, just forget it.

Invest, Invite, Inspire…

Pat Mancuso
patmancuso@mac.com
(703) 401-8302
FUEL

“It’s what you need to keep you going…”

Our mission is to create a comfortable, relevant and honest environment where men can explore and discuss aspects of life, purpose and faith.

We accomplish our mission by reviewing pertinent issues in men’s lives, examining them through relevant biblical principles, followed by a time of discussion with other men.

Wednesday mornings, September through May…and beyond
6:30 AM to 7:30 AM @ Hidden Creek Country Club, Reston, VA.

http://www.hiddencreekcc.com

Tomorrow, with Dr Clark, we will be looking at the aspect of Denial, and I don’t mean the river in Africa.

As men, we can rationalize almost anything—and often do, in order to NOT have to admit to ourselves and others that we were wrong.

Ever do something stupid, and then not admit it?

Heck, just Friday night I convinced myself that after a full week of work, away from my family, I could rationalize going to the gym at 6:15PM.  So I called my wife and explained to her my desire to go to the gym and she said, “ Sure,take your time, its ok.”  Sure, my kids were having two friends sleepover.  And sure, my wife was going to take 4 boys;  Rocky, Clubber, Bam-bam, and Ferris Buhler to Chuck E. Cheese alone.  Sure, I could go.

So, like a fool, I heard, “Take your time” to mean “Take all the time in the world.”  And rather than a quick 45-minute workout, I lingered for over 2 hours.  And when I showed up at the arcade to meet my family at 8:30PM, my youngest son was sweaty, beet-red, and crying because someone knocked-over his 19th root beer, and my good wife, exasperated, had reached the tipping point. Oh, and she was pissed.  At you know who…

And my first reaction was, to not only ask “What I do?” , but to also try to make this her fault. But isn’t that how we roll?  Rather than cut our losses, we doubled-down, to save face, and say something like, “BUT YOU SAID TAKE YOUR TIME…” Then we act like, “But, I didn’t know…”  Duh…what an idiot.

I knew what I was doing the whole time.  It was very selfish of me.  But fact is, I don’t like to admit when I am wrong.

As I humbly squirmed back into my car to drive home alone, I had the audacity of feeling angry.  But I quickly realized I was in denial.  And then I heard a proverbial rooster crow three times in my head jostling me back into reality.  And in that rare moment of clarity, I thought about the hundred or so other similar times I ditched my parental responsibilities on my wife to find my own peace and quiet at her expense.  I couldn’t deny it anymore, I was wrong.  I had no right to be angry at anyone but myself.

I’m learning it’s ok to be wrong.  Making poor choices is part of life,  but denial does not need to be.  Denial is not healthy, wise, nor prosperous.   And it’s impact is not just on us.  Our families bear the burden of our denial.  Or others…

Think about the band that kept playing on the sinking Titanic, and the folks on deck, refusing to admit their dire circumstances…  “Hey, they’re playing music, it can’t be that bad, right?”  Denial is like an “idiotic fog” that consumes us.  A warped haze that clouds all judgment and truth.

Am I alone here, or does any of this sound familiar to anyone else?  If so, come on out Wednesday as we look at “Denial, It’s not the river in Africa.”

Invest, Invite, Inspire…

Pat Mancuso
patmancuso@mac.com
(703) 401-8302
FUEL

“It’s what you need to keep you going…”

Our mission is to create a comfortable, relevant and honest environment where men can explore and discuss aspects of life, purpose and faith.

We accomplish our mission by reviewing pertinent issues in men’s lives, examining them through relevant biblical principles, followed by a time of discussion with other men.

Wednesday mornings, September through May…and beyond
6:30 AM to 7:30 AM @ Hidden Creek Country Club, Reston, VA.

http://www.hiddencreekcc.com

Welcome to WWW.MENofFUEL.COM. This is a temporary website we’ve set up for you to facilitate donations, messages, and event registrations. We’ll be working on the site to make it a good resource for the men of FUEL, so stay tuned.